


time will tell i never really had the power

by reaperbites



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Arguing, Betrayal, Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Heartbreak, M/M, Pre Fall AU, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), it's just kinda sad kinda happy i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21654883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaperbites/pseuds/reaperbites
Summary: Aziraphale's eyes widened at Raphael's statement. “Good..?” he couldn't utter another word. He couldn't believe it; the Falling was real.And it had its hooks in his best friend.He was losing Raphael.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	time will tell i never really had the power

**Author's Note:**

> Coming at you with a Pre-Fall AU B)  
> Featuring pre-fall Crowley as Raphael trying to convince Aziraphale to do some sinning. It also has pre-fall Beelzebub as Jezreel, pre-fall Ligur as Lionel, pre-fall Hastur as Hasrah, and pre-fall Dagon as Philistine. I did research, but dunno if half of these names have ever been used on anyone
> 
> The title is from Daughtry's song, "Rescue Me"
> 
> Also warning for an argument / yelling, just in case that makes you uncomfy!

It was before the time of Eden and before the great fall of Satan and his angels, which was formally known as Lucifer's Revolution. Everyone was in Heaven, and everyone was happy. Everyone was a pure, blessed being. There had been rumors of a possible separation, a Falling, but most took this with a grain of salt. God and all things good would always triumph over any evil, they said. They didn't have to worry.

Aziraphale was one of the few who took serious consideration to this warning. Although he would never admit it, he was a bit of a pessimist. He had been assigned work at the Eastern Gate. If everyone was supposed to be in Heaven, and be good, then they wouldn't need angels working - or guarding - at the Gates.

The dainty angel looked out over his post. It was the same fluffy clouds filled with angels moving around, talking and enjoying themselves. He heard cherubs chattering happily, traces of the Falling lacing its way in their conversation. He shook his head. He didn't understand why they would need to worry. They were young. They were good, and they never disobeyed God. Unlike some angels he knew. He glanced over to a group of about five or six of his kin. They were the ones you had to avoid.

Aziraphale flinched as a much larger angel landed next to him. He only had to glance at the fiery red hair and wings with the slightest gold tint to know who it was: Archangel Raphael. He felt his heart leap at the sight of him. Raphael seemed to have a soft spot for him, as if he favored him. He would be lying if he didn't feel the same.

“Aziraphale,” Raphael smiled. His eyes were a pure blue. They knew how to cut down deep into Aziraphale's soul.

“Raphael,” Aziraphale replied nervously. He found himself rubbing his wrist, a nervous habit he had picked up on. He flashed a smile at Raphael.

Raphael cringed at his name. Every time he heard it, it was like someone stabbing him in the heart. It was like they were talking to someone else other than him. He pushed it away and made himself smile. “Everything is well, I assume?” he asked.

“Of course,” Aziraphale replied. “Everyone is accounted for, God doesn't seem to be upset today. Even if there are a few... Bad angels.” He hated to even insist an angel is bad.

Raphael bit back his smile; he had been trained to say he was proud to be apart of it all. “I'm sure they'll change their ways. You worry too much, dear Aziraphale.”

The petname made Aziraphale's heart skip a beat as his face flushed a slightly. He had to tell himself it was just a slip of the tongue to calm himself down. He couldn't be in love with an Archangel, or another male-shaped angel, for that matter. “Of course, of course,” he forced out once he regained composure. “I suppose I do worry more than I should, but it's for good reason. Don't you worry, too, Raphael?” He looked up at the other angel with curious eyes.

Raphael looked as if he was having an internal battle before he answered. “I can't say I do,” he replied, immediately regretting it. He had to back it up. “I know good will always prevail.”

Aziraphale shook his head. He'd love to be able to agree with Raphael, but something didn't feel right. He didn't feel he could trust everything Raphael said. Even if Raphael was an Archangel.

The two stood in silence for a few moments. Aziraphale couldn't stop thinking about the Falling, or the new world he heard God was going to start making in the coming days. There was going to be a thing called humans, and other beings called animals. The humans would be tasked to take care of the Earth with God's guidance. He was excited to see it all. He was sure Raphael felt the same.

Until Raphael said something to turn the tables completely.

“I'm not sure if the name is working out for me,” he said nonchalantly. “Archangel Raphael? It's a bit of a mouthful, too, er, good. Doesn't feel like me.” He felt he could trust Aziraphale with this much information.

Aziraphale's eyes widened at Raphael's statement. “Good..?” he couldn't utter another word. He couldn't believe it; the Falling was real. 

And it had its hooks in his best friend.

He was losing him.

“Raphael, you can't be serious,” Aziraphale said with a nervous chuckle. “Of course it sounds good. You're an angel, an Archangel, you're supposed to be good, That's what angel's do. We do the right thing.” He was repeating himself and shaking out of pure nervousness. 

Raphael shook his head. “Don't you try explain the whole "that's what angel's do" speel to me, I know it all. Gabriel is a real stickler for that sort of thing. I'm just not cut out for the whole _good_ business. God should've realized that when She made me,” he explained. The light-colored wings and gold he was adorned with didn't fit. It was not who he was supposed to be. He felt a calling. A calling to be more. He couldn't quite put his finger on it yet.

Aziraphale felt his heart breaking with each word Raphael said. He had never heard these words from an angel before; he couldn't ever imagine and Archangel saying these things until now. He felt like he was gaining a new wound each time he thought about it. 

“Please, you can't do this,” he whispered. He didn't want to say he didn't want to lose Raphael out loud, not unless he had to. He didn't - couldn't - want to accept they may have been a little more than best friends.

Raphael nodded, “I'm sorry, Aziraphale, but I am no Saint.” He gestured to his side, where a group of about five other angels were gathered, the same angels Aziraphale had looked at earlier. They were about the same maturity as himself and Aziraphale. “They're not Saints either. We're all making the Great Fall, Lucifer's Revolution, if you will.” He straightened his posture and held his head with pride. “We won't be here much longer.”

Aziraphale let out a gasp; he couldn't allow himself to believe it. So many angels were rebelling. God would decide She had had enough soon. She would cast them away, give them a new kingdom of torment. It would be for the angels' benefit, to make sure no one else got corrupted. Even if some were hurt, t was the greater good.

Aziraphale shook his head. “You've been corrupted!” he exclaimed, panic clear in his voice. “You can't go through with this, you have to convert back! You're good, Raphael, you have to be, you're an angel. You can't be, you can't be- one of them! Those ruffians!” He stabbed an accusing finger at the group both he and Raphael had referenced just moments ago.

Raphael felt a low growl sound in his throat; he nearly jumped in surprise, as it was new to him. “Wow,” he hissed. “And here I thought you, of all angels, my best friend, would support me. Even if you are an... _angel._ ” There was venom in his voice as he glared daggers at Aziraphale.

It felt like a shot through the heart to Aziraphale. “I still love and care about you, Raphael,” he said in a small voice. Raphael's tone had beat him down. “But... I can't support you through this. She-”

“Fuck Her, Aziraphale!” Raphael shouted, which seemed to make all of Heaven go silent. “She doesn't matter to me anymore! I'm not a dog on a leash! I know She's brainwashed all of you into this- this mediocre, going-nowhere life!” Rage shook his lithe body; his eyes glowed with anger. He could feel the growl turned into a hide, and it was gaining more power, and getting stronger, easier to hear. He absentmindedly bared his teeth at Aziraphale like a cornered wolf.

Aziraphale felt his heart shatter as tears came to his eyes. He felt so small in front of Raphael. He backed away, cowering in front of the other angel - if he could be called that any more. He couldn't believe his friend of so many years had just snapped at him like that. He felt as poor as the dirt of the Earth - which was only hours old at the time. He wanted nothing more than to disappear.

“I-I'm sorry...” he whispered. “I just don't want to lose you, Raphael... I love you, really.” He flashed a shaky smile before resorting to biting his lip to keep tears from falling. His voice may have been small at the end, but it spoke books to Raphael.

Raphael could see the pain in Aziraphale's eyes. It made him feel like the worst angel to ever cross Heaven - which he actually wasn't far from. He still kept his defensive stance. His gang would be proud of him. He hoped they were watching.

A single tear fell down Aziraphale's face, and he didn't wipe it away in time for Raphael not to see it. It made Raphael's expression soften, and despite all better interest, his body relaxed. He stepped closer to Aziraphale. He held an apologetic stance. In seconds, he found himself with his hands placed on Aziraphale's face, tilting it up so their eyes met. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest when Aziraphale flinched. He now hoped his gang wasn't watching.

“It's okay,” he whispered. He was silent for a few moments, deliberating. He couldn't bring himself to say "I love you" back. “You'll forget about me in due time. I'll be nothing but a memory in the dust.”

Aziraphale shook his head, “I'll never be able to let you go.” He bit his lip so he wouldn't talk anymore. He knew he would only burst into tears.

“Don't cry, Angel, don't cry,” Raphael said. He wiped Aziraphale's tears away, and placed a light kiss on his forehead - which had almost made Aziraphale's heart stop then and there, not that he had any idea about it. The corners of his mouth twitched up into a grin. “We- We can run away together! We can Fall together, get out of Heaven, be on our side! We can live like the imperfect beings we were meant to be.” His voice was very cheerful and persuasive, like he was trying to convince himself, too. He could convince an angel to Fall in seconds. He found his smile faltering as he saw Aziraphale's expression.

He almost made Aziraphale believe him.

Aziraphale shook his head, almost too quickly, feeling another round of tears coming along, but they were caused by frustration this time. He sighed, “I can't run away from this,” he paused; he knew he sounded pitiful. “I can't _not_ do what I'm told. Falling would make me feel guilt unimaginable. I'm sorry...”

Raphael frowned; he should've known he would never be able to get Aziraphale, Angel of the Eastern Gate, to go down the Wrong Path. “It's okay,” he whispered. “I'm sorry I yelled at you.” 

The apology almost made him choke, but he'd never let Aziraphale know that. He knew he would Fall, and hurt Aziraphale at the same time. He had been around the wrong people for too long, and it felt too good to turn back from. Knowing right from wrong felt so much better than living in the dark. Aziraphale had been on his back about how he had to shape up, but it never cut through his thick skull - until now. It was too late.

“I could never stay mad at you, Dear,” Aziraphale said in a soft voice. He found himself leaning into Raphael's touch fluidly. “I... It's true... I do love you.” It made him feel better to say it since they didn't have much time left together. It wouldn't matter in a few days.

“I care about you, too,” Raphael breathed out. _Close enough,_ he told himself. He was doing things his gang would make sure to punish him for. They didn't want him to love or care about anybody. He was supposed to care about himself _only_. He looked down into Aziraphale's pale blue eyes again. They were so innocent, so pure. They said he couldn't hurt anything if he tried. They said he was the most forgiving angel you would ever meet. They could see right through Raphael.

“I'll never be enough for you, Angel,” Raphael added. Even before Aziraphale admitted it, his feelings were very obvious to Raphael. The way he looked at him, the way he spoke to him, the way his entire energy shifted when he was around him. It was more than friendship. Raphael wanted to let him down slowly to avoid the risk of breaking his heart.

“But you are, Raphael, you can change your ways and continue to be an angel,” Aziraphale explained in a weak voice. He knew he might as well have spoken to a wall. Raphael was set in his ways, and no word he said would change that. He would have to accept he couldn't save this angel, even if they were an Archangel.

Raphael didn't speak another word. He continued to hold Aziraphale. He knew it would hurt the both of them one day, as it would be a memory seared into the back of their minds, but he knew he deserved it. He was hurting his first and only friend. He knew none of the others Archangels actually liked him, they only stuck around him for appearances, and none of the angels he was hanging around trusted each other, as they had an "every being for themself" mindset. He would be alone in Hell, with this memory to hurt him for enternity.

 _Maybe I could try to change... For him,_ Raphael thought. The thought nearly knocked him off his feet. He couldn't believe it crossed his mind. He would never think of trying to go back to being the on the good side without Aziraphale. He knew he wasn't strong enough.

But he could tell a lie to ease Aziraphale's pain temporarily.

Raphael cleared his throat, breaking the silence between them. He felt Aziraphale flinch against him. “I'll tell you what,” he began. “I'll work on bettering myself, try going back to being a good guy. I will clear my name, okay, Angel? Please don't cry. Your eyes are so much more beautiful when you're happy.” He cupped Aziraphale's chin and brought his face up so their eyes met. “That's it,” he smiled as Aziraphale's tears stopped.

Aziraphale felt a smile creep up on his face. The clouds had moved out from in front of the sun for him. The overwhelming feeling of sadness and missing someone was gone now. “Really?” he asked, his voice full of hope.

Raphael knew he couldn't shatter this hope. “Of course,” he said. He'd deal with the consequences of this deal later. He just needed to see his best friend - or his angel, as he often called him behind his back - happy once again. “I'll do anything for you, Aziraphale.”

Over the next few days, Raphael would work with Aziraphale, taking mental notes on how to deal with certain situations such as temptation and disobedience. Although, it usually went through one ear and out the other. Sometimes, he would react with aggression or become frustrated, but he'd immediately calm down when he saw fear in Aziraphale's eyes. He was trying. Although, he knew he was doomed. He couldn't even keep up an act well.

Raphael had learned generosity, treating others the way you want to be treated, honesty, loyalty, and many other things that weren't relevant to his true plan. He felt bad for turning his back on Aziraphale after spending so much time learning how to be good, especially since the angel was his only friend. However, it wasn't complete betrayal. He never said he would go through with being good again. He only said he would try.

Still, that wouldn't stop the guilt that ate away at him when he was alone.

“You're becoming a better angel, Raphael!” Aziraphale exclaimed as they took a walk one day. He was beyond proud of Raphael's progress, and he was almost certain he wouldn't Fall now. God would see how good he had become. They could remain together, and their shared, confusing feelings would stay, too.

Raphael smiled, but it didn't have to he forced around Aziraphale, “Of course.” He knew if he said anything else, his voice would crack. The guilt had begun to appear even when he wasn't alone.

“We mustn't have pride or be boastful,” Aziraphale reminded him gently. “We must remain humble and kind.”

Raphael flashed him a small smile in apology. He was hesitant to even pretend he was becoming better. Hurting Aziraphale was the main reason, but there was also Jezreel, Lionel, Hasrah, and Philistine. They would love to have a piece of him if they found out about him "converting back to good". He was halfway terrified of them, halfway sick of them. He had decided he would abandon them after the Fall. None of them seemed to use a single second to think. They were doomed from the start. It wouldn't be a serious blow to either party, as they were never friends in the first place. They just stuck around because they all had a similar cause: rebellion.

Raphael saw a motion from the corner of his eye. He turned around to see an angel with angry, violet eyes and jet-black hair glaring at him. _Jezreel,_ he noted, stopping in his tracks. It was time for him to report to their meeting, telling about what he had done to ensure his Fall for the day - which was nothing, in his case. They all aimed for it to happen within a week or two.

Aziraphale looked at Raphael with a cocked eyebrow. “Raph-”

“I have to go,” Raphael stated. His voice was cold, distant. 

“But-”

“I said I have to go, Aziraphale,” he made sure to sound firm. He couldn't let Aziraphale be seen, otherwise he could suffer in some way. “Go back to the Gate, I'll meet you there later.” He had already flown several paces away from Aziraphale before the angel could utter a word.

“Okay then,” Aziraphale said to himself, feeling loneliness and worry creep up around him. Raphael had disappeared quickly, and he assumed it didn't mean anything good. He thought he had seen Jezreel calling for Raphael, but his mind was always playing tricks on him. _He is turning good,_ he had to tell himself. _Everything is going according to plan, and he won't Fall._

Raphael was just a few short paces away from Jezreel before he growled and glared at them. “Why did you have to interrupt me?” _I was having a good time, sorta._

Jezreel turned around, glaring daggers back at Raphael. “I don't know, Raphael, what the _Heaven_ were you doing with _Aziraphale?!_ The enemy!” They couldn't even make themself look at Raphael again. They were sickened by his behavior; they saw it as betrayal. They didn't know Raphael's intentions, but they definitely were not beneficial to the Falling.

Raphael felt his heart stop. He couldn't let Aziraphale be hurt. He knew what he had to do to keep him safe. He cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “Just some tempting,” he replied, hoping his nervousness wasn't obvious in his voice, “trying to rope Aziraphale in, get him to trust me.”

Jezreel studied Raphael's body language. It seemed uneasy, despite his confident expression. It wasn't Raphael at all. They still followed along with his words, and nodded slowly. “Well done, Raphael. Let us get to Lionel, Hasrah, and Philistine, and you can explain your deeds to all of us.” They knew if they could catch him being hesitant there, they could call him out for what he was: a traitor.

Raphael nodded, “Lead the way, your Disgrace.”

Jezreel lead the way happily. Everyone scattered in their presence. They hoped it would remain that way after the Fall. It felt good to scare others. They were with Hasrah, Lionel, and Philistine in minutes. The three angels were already in deep conversation about something else, but they stopped and came to attention as soon as they saw Jezreel. It only added onto Jezreel's ego. The fact that an Archangel was apart of their "let's Fall" squad was another thing that fed their ego each day.

“Raphael here says he's trying to tempt an angel,” Jezreel announced.

“Which one?” Hasrah asked with an excited grin. He saw Raphael as a the perfect good guy gone bad.

“Angel of the Eastern Gate,” Jezreel said before Raphael could even open his mouth, “Aziraphale.”

The group gasped with shock. None of them ever went after Aziraphale, as they saw him as perfect and unable to be swayed. They saw him with Raphael a lot before their plan to Fall, too, so they assumed he was protected - not that it mattered much, anyway. The Fall wasn't a secret anymore. 

“Aziraphale? _The_ Aziraphale?” Philistine asked.

“Yes,” Jezreel recalled. “I saw him standing next to the angel when I was collecting him. So, Raphael, how was the tempting going?”

Raphael gulped in fright before he flashed a cocky smile. He knew both his and Aziraphale's morality - and mortality - was on the line. “It was going great,” he explained. “He trusts me completely, and doesn't suspect a thing. I'll have him rebelling without thinking in no time.” He clasped his hands behind his back, a sign of authority. He hoped he didn't hold a trace of uneasiness.

Lionel, Philistine and Hasrah were all smiling as if they were the ones fulfilling the deed, while Jezreel hadn't completely bought Raphael's story. They needed more. “What else?”

“Well, I got him to lie and think it was okay to love someone who had a similar-shaped vessel, gender wise,” Raphael explained. It wasn't a complete lie, so he could say it with confidence. He knew Aziraphale was in love with him. The angel just hadn't accepted it yet. He probably wouldn't for thousands of years.

“Impressive,” Jezreel commented absently. “How long have you been working on him?”

Raphael was caught off guard with that question, but he knew he had to say something to avoid hesitation. “About three days, give or take an hour,” he said. He had actually been friends with Aziraphale since the beginning of the creation of Heaven. They met on day one, and hadn't separated ever since.

“You must work harder,” Jezreel commanded, “so I'll dismiss you early.” They turned away from Raphael. “Lionel, Hasrah, Philistine, what are your deeds for today?”

Raphael didn't waste a second in getting away from the four angels - if they could even be called that anymore. He had to get to Aziraphale. He wasn't sure if it was safe to be around him anymore. He wanted to, ever so badly, but he didn't want anyone to get hurt before the Fall. 

He slowed his running to think. He had to be logical. _Most of them are convinced I'm just tempting him with my presence,_ he noted. _We should be safe, unless Jezreel gets smarter real quick. We should be safe for now, we're safe for now._ Raphael had to repeat this mentally over and over. He would eventually believe it. He sensed a familiar energy approaching him, and put on a smile. He couldn't show any sign of distress.

“Raphael!” Aziraphale cheered as he approached the Archangel. He didn't feel like probing about Raphael's disappearing act to avoid possible disappointment. “I'm glad to see your face, and your smile.” He felt his face heat up ever so slightly with those words. He knew this angel would be the death of him.

“It's excellent to see you again, too, Aziraphale,” Raphael replied. “You look great, as usual. How long was I away?” He knew it couldn't have been very long. He made sure to speak quickly at the meeting.

“A few minutes, not too terribly long,” Aziraphale replied. “Are you ready to continue working, or do you need a break for today?” He hoped Raphael said he would continue working. That would mean his efforts meant something, that they were working. He wouldn't have to be away from his friend after all.

Raphael didn't feel like it, but he saw Aziraphale's smile, then his eyes. His eyes were full of hope, and his smile said he wanted to be with Raphael forever. No moment would be too long. Raphael couldn't break his heart anymore than he would in the future. He nodded in response to Aziraphale's question. “Absolutely. Show me the way!”

Aziraphale nearly squealed with excitement. “I knew you could do it.”

Raphael smiled weakly. He felt a pang of guilt and all-around pain in his chest. He would miss this angel's enthusiasm. Almost as much as he would miss having a friend.

Days later, even after all of Aziraphale's attempts, Raphael ended up Falling. He, like many other angels, were cast into a different kingdom, a kingdom named Hell. It was full of fire, fear and hate. No one loved or trusted one another. They just used each other, tolerating the other when it was convenient. There were no such thing as friendships or fun. Only disharmony and work.

Raphael became Crawly. He still hated his name - it seemed neither deity could give him the right name - but it was a work in progress. He was left with a single pair of wings that had turned from light gold to pitch black. They became rougher and stronger, and really needed to be groomed. 

He had quickly established his role as one of Hastur and Ligur's - formally Hasrah and Lionel - "reliable demons", if there was such a thing. As for Dagon, - formally Philistine - they had become the Lord of the Files, and had a simple desk job. Crawly was able to stay on their good side. He loved testing his limits with every demon in Hell, yet stayed on the good side. Not that Hell had one, of course. He even managed to stay under Beelzebub's - formally Jezreel - radar.

Despite everything he accomplished in Hell, he still felt guilt unimaginable for turning his back on Aziraphale. Aziraphale was his best and only friend in Heaven, the only one who believed in him. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel love for the other celestial being. 

He still had every memory he made with Aziraphale, including the pain in the angel's eyes as Raphael's name was called as a traitor to Heaven, right before God stripped away his wings. It was something he would never be able to live with comfortably, or forget, especially in Hell. He sometimes wished he could see Aziraphale again, so they could sit and talk things out. So he could explain he just wasn't made to be good, that trouble was his destiny.

But they couldn't - for now.

They would meet again one day, Crawly told himself.

They would fall right back into old habits.

They would still be friends.

And he could make things, right once and for all.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated, have a nice day :)


End file.
